Lehigh Valley parents donate cart to honor son, support families joining ‘the worst club’

ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Two Lehigh Valley parents are turning their grief over their lost son into support for other families who will suffer similar tragedies.

Michelle and Michael Adler on Friday donated a remembrance cart to the Children's Emergency Department at Lehigh Valley Hospital-Cedar Crest to honor their late son, August David, who died in September 2015.

Michelle Adler said they could not think of “a better way to commemorate August” than the remembrance cart from the Adalyn Rose Foundation.

They previously dedicated a memorial bench at a local park in August’s name.

That “honored our individual loss, but we wanted to do more and help others,” Adler said.

She met Adalyn Rose Foundation founder Chloe Ciferri through her work as a therapist.

After seeing what Ciferri was offering to families like hers, Adler said she “thought it would be amazing to give back to the place where those needs weren’t met for us and ensure that that won’t happen again.”

ARF carts include small items, such as books, blankets and plush bears, that could ease the pain and “regrets that parents had from their last moments with their kids,” Ciferri said.

Parents in ARF support groups said they struggled with not having any memory of reading to their babies, Ciferri said.

And many wanted to keep their children warm, even if that “doesn’t necessarily make sense,” or leave their children with a stuffed animal, Ciferri said.

“You’re afraid your baby’s going to be lonely,” Ciferri said.

Some take the items home as “a tangible reinforcer that the most horrible moment of your life wasn’t imagined, that it was real, that your child was real,” Adler said.

“They were here; they mattered.”

Friday’s dedication “felt like a full-circle moment to be able to ensure that no Lehigh Valley family would experience loss the way we do,” Adler said after August’s older brothers, George and William, placed stickers and a rainbow on the cart.

'Grief is not linear'

Many families feel “so alone” in the wake of a child’s death, Ciferri said.

She said she feels deep pride in welcoming grieving parents into what she calls “the worst club with the best people.”

That club can offer “so much more acceptance and love and support,” Adler said.

She noted the value of dark humor, bonding over grief with other parents experiencing loss, and not having to try to explain the depths of despair.

“When you talk about a dead child … it casts a pallor” that “makes everybody sad” and limits opportunities to connect and talk deeply about loss, Adler said.

But “we have to be able to talk about death and not be sad, otherwise it will be sad for the rest of our lives,” she said.

Adler and her husband said they still grieve for August — and she said Friday she expected the weight of the dedication ceremony would “take me out at the knees” later in the day.

“And that's OK,” she said. “Grief is not linear.”

Happiness, tears 'equally welcome'

Adler paid tribute to Ciferri and the Adalyn Rose Foundation, which offers parents “space” to fully feel.

“You can be happy when you're happy, and if you need to cry, then you cry,” Adler said. “Both are equally welcome.”

The Adalyn Rose Foundation supports families grieving the loss of a child at any point during pregnancy, infancy or early childhood.

Ciferri launched the nonprofit in her daughter’s name in September 2019 on what would have been her second birthday.

It helped 20 families with their grief after raising about $10,000 in its first year. Last year, the organization raised more than $700,000 to support 450 families, Ciferri said.

That includes paying for families to access therapy and support groups, an array of personal services, and more than $100,000 in funeral and cremation costs, she said.

By the end of the year, it will have 50 carts in 46 hospitals.

The cart dedicated Friday is the organization's third at Lehigh Valley Hospital-Cedar Crest.