ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Tuesday is National Coming Out Day in the United States, but Allentown’s Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center celebrated a day early.
Much like the process of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and other queer people "coming out of the closet," or telling people about their identities, the Bradbury-Sullivan Center’s event was largely self-guided.
Youth Programs Manager Kim Ketterer organized the center's event, put out crafts and screened movies but did not have a schedule for the event. This was done so the event could be guided by the people who attended.
National Coming Out Day first was celebrated in 1988 on the first anniversary of the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, when hundreds of thousands of LGBTQ people and allies marched in D.C. to demand more federal funds for AIDS research and an end to discrimination against LGBTQ people.
According to the Human Rights Campaign, National Coming Out Day was first celebrated as a reminder that coming out has the power to change people’s minds about LGBTQ rights. But people have different ideas now about coming out and what it means to celebrate it.
Ketterer said while National Coming Out Day used to be a day in which LGBTQ people would come out together, they now think of it as a day to reflect on the idea of coming out.
“It's nice to have a day where we can acknowledge that some people can't be out, some people can, and that it's something we do for our entire lives," Ketterer said. "To be able to do that with other folks in the community can be really nice.”
Ketterer said the event took place on Monday because it was a day off for many people and the center held other meetings on Tuesday.
Here are the personal stories of coming out of some of the center's officials:
Kim Ketterer
"I'm like, ‘Mom, it's not like fairy dust, they can't, like, sprinkle it on me and suddenly I’m gay.’”Kim Ketterer, Youth Programs Manager
Ketterer said they came out to their mom around Thanksgiving.
“I think her response was, ‘Oh, it's because I let this person in your family babysit you,’” Ketterer said. “And I'm like, ‘Mom, it's not like fairy dust. They can't, like, sprinkle it on me and suddenly I’m gay.’”
Now, Ketterer doesn’t think about coming out because it’s hard to hide their identity as someone who works for the Bradbury-Sullivan Center.
“I say what I do for a living and I'm coming out,” Ketterer said.
Ketterer said they think there shouldn’t be a stigma if someone is not able to or comfortable with coming out.
“It's a personal choice. And everybody should come out when they feel comfortable and safe,” Ketterer said.
“This is your journey, and you should make every moment have it yours. And just know that there's people out there that can help you.”
Braden Hudak
Bradley-Sullivan Communications Associate Braden Hudak understands firsthand the harm that comes with not being in control of coming out.
Back when he attended high school in the Lehigh Valley, he wrote about being gay in the notes on his phone. His friends found it, took screenshots and sent them to people. The whole school knew before he had a chance to tell his parents.
“It was the worst time period of my life for sure,” Hudak said.
Things turned out OK for Hudak: His family was supportive, and eventually, he embraced who he is.
He said he was ashamed when he was outed, but he’s confident in himself now, and he uses National Coming Out Day as a way to celebrate that.
“It's a way of just loving me and acknowledging me and almost reclaiming that loss of, you know, not getting to make the decision or have that experience," Hudak said. "So now I celebrate my coming out every year.”
His advice for people who want to come out is to first make sure they feel ready and safe to do so.
“Whenever you are ready and comfortable, you should go for it," he said. "Because in time, once I healed, I realized, ‘Wow, I'm so grateful that I'm not carrying all this weight, because it's so freeing.'"
Eric Yoak
Bradley-Sullivan Major Events Manager Eric Yoak is from eastern Kentucky in the hills of Appalachia. Growing up, he said, he never saw positive gay representation aside from the TV show "Will and Grace."
Yoak said he decided to come out to people at 14. He told his friends first, then told his mom over text, which he said he wouldn’t recommend.
“As hard as coming out is, it's also a period of understanding for those that we tell. And they need to have time and the respect enough to be given the full story,” Yoak said.
Yoak still remembers the text he sent to his mom.
“I remember on my Motorola flip phone, it was, ‘Hi mom, dating a boy, don't care if you agree or not.’ And that was basically the gist of it.
"And she said, ‘We'll talk about this at home.’ And then we never did for like six months, But she's grown to be my biggest supporter, and she's grown to celebrate the things that I do.”
“Nobody can tell you who you are, nobody can tell you what you are going to become. They can only tell you their idea of you… and that's not important.”Eric Yoak, Major Events Manager
Yoak said the worst time in his coming out journey was when he moved into his future stepdad's house. He said he had to go back into the closet and pretend to be straight because his mom wasn’t sure how his future stepdad would react to the news.
"He said he developed depression, anxiety and an eating disorder during that time.
Now, Yoak said he wants to share his story to help people feel less alone.
“That's why places like Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center are so important and events like the National Coming Out Day event that we have here and the day itself," he said. "It's just so important to have those places and share those stories."
Yoak’s advice for anyone considering coming out is to learn for yourself who you are.
“Nobody can tell you who you are, nobody can tell you what you are going to become," he said. "They can only tell you their idea of you… and that's not important.”
Rain Black
Bradley-Sullivan Grants Manager Rain Black first came out to a friend when they were a teenager, and it didn’t go well. From then on, Black decided not to announce their sexuality or gender identity to anyone, the way people typically think of “coming out.”
They just talk about their partners and correct people when they use the wrong pronouns.
“As far as a formal coming out, I never did that. I just kind of existed,” Black said.
Black thinks people should formally come out if they want to, but there also shouldn’t be pressure to make it formal.
“Straight people, cis[gender] het[erosexual] people, they don't have to do that. So why should we?” Black said.
Black encourages people to live as they are and not hide parts of their identity if they can.
“It's much more fulfilling to live in your truth in whatever capacity you can as safely as you can,” Black said. “It's worth it. And, you know, as somebody that pressed myself down for a long time, I finally feel seen and valued.”
Despite their personal opinions about coming out, Black still thinks it’s important to celebrate National Coming Out Day.
“Any excuse or opportunity to celebrate queer people, LGBTQ+ people, I think is worth it,” Black said. “And especially [for] people that value that coming out experience, because we're all different.”
For those who need support in coming out, visit the Human Rights Campaign’s coming out page or the Trevor Project’s Coming Out Handbook.
